HAPPILY EVER AFTER

What Dreams Are Made Of

How did you meet? 

Nuscie: We met in the year 1964 in Nathia Gali, where I had come to prepare for my Senior Cambridge exams and Jeelo was visiting with family. Within three to four days of getting to know each other, he asked me to marry him.

JJ: I saw her for the first time in Nathia Gali, when I was eighteen and she was sixteen. I remember staring at her as she walked up a path. I’ve been in love with her since that moment.

The day you got married, do you think you fully comprehended what a lifetime together would look like? What were your expectations from marriage? 

Nuscie:  I certainly had no idea, I was way too young. Marriage has a lot to do with luck because you never truly get to know someone until you live with them. I’ve been fortunate because not only did JJ turn out to be a very fine person, but my in-laws too were loving and refined people.

JJ:  The only expectation I had while getting married was to be able to hold on to her for the rest of my life.

What’s the most challenging part about marriage? 

Nuscie: JJ and I are very different in certain ways. I’m always working and travelling, while he’s more of a homebody who prefers being home with his children, dogs, music and books. When you have equality and trust in a relationship though, no difference is big enough to come between two people.

JJ: Jealousy

And the most rewarding? 

Nuscie: The most rewarding outcome of our beautiful marriage has been our two children, Nadia & Omar. I also cherish the relationship we have with each other’s families. Jeelo is very close to my younger (and only) sister and her two daughters.

JJ: For me, just looking at her every day is the most rewarding part of our marriage.

What’s the most romantic thing your partner has done for you?

Nuscie: JJ is the more romantic one out of the two of us. He still writes poetry and sings for me. He has a beautiful voice, which our son, Omar, has inherited from him.

JJ: Just smiling at me. It makes my day.

What are some of the milestones with your partner that you remember most fondly? 

Nuscie: I’ve lived a fairytale life. It’s the stuff dreams are made of. Way too many milestones to put on paper.

JJ: There are way too many.

What gets you through the tough times? 

Nuscie: The most difficult time in our marriage was when our first child, Zain, died. He was a little under two years old. I don’t think we ever fully recovered from that pain.

JJ: Faith. When we lost our first born, Zain, we were devastated. It was faith that kept us strong and allowed us to mature as individuals and partners.

The one thing you love and one thing you hate most about your partner? 

Nuscie: There are so many things to love about JJ. He is a wonderful human being; humble, loving and kind. The one habit of his that I would like to change though, is making him less antisocial. I really have to drag him out of the house.

JJ: I love everything about her but the only thing I disapprove of is her scolding the house help.

What do you think has been the secret to your successful marriage? 

Nuscie:  Love, love & love.

JJ: Understanding, tolerating and loving each other every step of the way.

How do you think couples these days are different from your generation? 

Nuscie: Young people nowadays don’t have the patience to make a marriage work. Getting used to a new way of life, and getting adjusted to each other’s families takes hard work and commitment. One has to learn to make their partner a priority.

JJ: Human relations are the same, they don’t change. The only thing that changes are cultural norms.

Which one piece of marriage advice would you give to new couples?

Nuscie: Be patient, loving and respectful. No amount of material wealth will give you happiness if your life is devoid of love and good relationships.

JJ : Try to forgive each other’s mistakes and tolerate each other’s idiosyncrasies.

Credits: Text: Areesha Chaudhry – Photos Courtesy: Nuscie & Jalil

A Filmi Twist

How did you meet? 

Farheen: We had an arranged marriage but with a slight filmi twist. Our mothers planned for us to meet at a restaurant without telling us it was a setup. After hours of intense conversation, I knew I would say yes to Adnan if he proposed.

Adnan: We met through our mothers, when they tricked us into believing their well-planned setup was a coincidental meeting. My mother ended up asking Farheen and her mother to join us at our table, and the rest is history.

The day you got married, do you think you fully comprehended what a lifetime together would look like? What were your expectations from marriage? 

Farheen: Yes and no. I don’t think anyone can fully comprehend what marriage entails until you seal the deal. I didn’t expect the infinite amount of encouragement I got from Adnan to pursue my goals. I’m very grateful.

Adnan: Being an avid sportsman, I thought of marriage as walking into another sports arena, where a great match awaited me. Turned out, in this game she’s the tougher player who exceeds expectations every day. However, with a set of twins to raise now, I feel it’s time to juggle responsibilities.

What’s the most challenging part about marriage? 

Farheen:  Accepting your spouse for who they are, compromising on a daily basis and not letting ego come between your marriage.

Adnan: Being selfless and sharing your time.

And the most rewarding? 

Farheen: The little moments: sharing a cup of tea, listening to Bowie, going out for paan, discussing books and movies.

Adnan: Having a confidant and critic. I’m ridiculously lucky and still wonder what I did right to deserve her.

What’s the most romantic thing your partner has done for you?

Farheen: He arranged the most romantic dinner for our first Valentine’s Day together. Between the two of us, he’s definitely the more romantic one.

Adnan: I’m usually the one making an effort in this department. She goes out of her way to make me feel special every year on my birthday though. As soon as the clock chimes midnight, she makes sure everything is about me.

What are some of the milestones with your partner that you remember most fondly? 

Farheen: There are so many of them. It’s hard to choose.

Adnan: Quite a few. I should have kept a diary.

What gets you through the tough times? 

Farheen: Communication. We’ve discovered talking things through always helps.

Adnan: Proper meetings. I’m serious! Nothing better than discussing the matter at hand, face to face.

The one thing you love and one thing you hate most about your partner? 

Farheen: I love how supportive he is of my personal and professional endeavors, and his undying concern for my wellbeing. Hate that he gets lazy at times.

Adnan: I love so many things about her. From the way she keeps me grounded, to her minimal aesthetic, her forthrightness and love for life. I hate when she gets into unnecessary details while explaining things to people though.

What do you think has been the secret to your successful marriage? 

Farheen:  Not taking the whole marriage thing very seriously!

Adnan: Finding balance in each other, pushing each other to achieve our goals and sharing a love for the arts, travel and fashion. Most importantly, our beautiful twins.

How do you think couples these days are different from your generation? 

Farheen: The one major difference between us and couples today is social media. We didn’t have to worry about hashtags and likes.

Adnan: I find couples these days too impressionable and influenced by social media. They’re caught up in how others are viewing them.

Which one piece of marriage advice would you give to new couples?

Farheen: Respect each other. Love cannot thrive without it.

Adnan: It’s a roller coaster ride. Scream, laugh, cry, but hold your hands throughout.

Credits: Text: Sana Zehra – Photos Courtesy: Farheen & Adnan

Meant To Be

How did you meet?

Sammia: Rifaat is my cousin. It was my mother’s wish to get both of us married. I was too young back then to make a decision for myself but firmly believed my parents knew best. He would often write letters to me, which made me realise he would take care of me.

Dr. Rifaat: We’re cousins so we always knew each other but I developed a fondness for her when I visited her family in London in 1981.

The day you got married, do you think you fully comprehended what a lifetime together would look like? What were your expectations from marriage?

Sammia: I didn’t have many expectations from marriage. My only wish was for him to make a loving husband, which he did. I got a life partner far better than I could have imagined.

Dr. Rifaat: I had a very clear idea of marriage and was ready to take on my responsibilities as a husband. I was confident that Sammia would make a great life partner and in retrospect, that turned out to be true. I had no set expectations but knew I had made a good choice for myself.

What is the most challenging part about marriage?

Sammia: To raise good children by imparting wisdom and inculcating values in them. It’s a lot of hard work.

Dr. Rifaat: To reconcile differences and develop a common understanding.

And the most rewarding?

Sammia: Receiving love and appreciation from my husband and children.

Dr. Rifaat: Our children.

What is the most romantic thing your partner has done for you?

Sammia: Rifaat has done so many things for me over the course of our marriage. Not every woman is blessed with such a great husband.

Dr. Rifaat: Standing by me and having faith in our relationship during tough times.

What are some of the milestones with your partner that you remember most fondly?

Sammia: Having children and raising them together.

Dr. Rifaat: Travelling together to the United States, having two of our children in Fairfax, Virginia and celebrating our 25th anniversary.

What gets you through the tough times?

Sammia: Whenever my extended family mocked or criticized me unnecessarily, my religion and connection with God helped me stay strong. My children too, have played a key role in getting me through tough moments.

Dr. Rifaat: Belief in each other’s love and unshakable faith that good times are around the corner.

The one thing you love and one thing you hate most about your partner?

Sammia: I love that he trusts me blindly. I hate how sometimes he makes hasty decisions that he regrets later.

Dr. Rifaat: I love her sincerity and openness. What I find disagreeable is her tendency to see the world in black and white.

What do you think has been the secret to your successful marriage?

Sammia: For me, it has been listening to and learning from my husband.

Dr. Rifaat: Loving and understanding each other.

How do you think couples these days are different from your generation?

Sammia: In today’s generation, the biggest problem is that if one partner is more accomplished or enlightened than the other, it becomes a matter of ego. No one wants to learn from one another. In the world of social media, there is a severe lack of tolerance.

Dr. Rifaat: Most young couples today have a flawed view of marriage and fail to recognise this institution as sacred.

Which one piece of marriage advice would you give to new couples?

Sammia: Practice patience and love selflessly. Also never let go of the following things:

Your parents’ values

Faith

Compassion

Dr. Rifaat: Don’t stay in an unhappy marriage.

Text:  Haider Rifaat – Photos Courtesy:  Sammia & Dr. Rifaat

An Adventure Of A Lifetime

How did you meet?

Both: We met at the gym.

The day you got married, do you think you fully comprehended what a lifetime together would look like? What were your expectations from marriage?

Sana: Fakhar swept me off my feet at a point in my life when I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone as loving and understanding as him. I have to admit though, I had my fears. Marriage is a huge decision regardless of how much you admire your partner.

My only expectation from this new commitment was for my husband and his family to accept me for who I am and consider me a part of their family with sincerity. God has been very kind. I’ve received more love and respect than I had hoped for.

Fakhar: I wanted Sana and my family to get along and love each other. Thankfully, their relationship is exemplary.

The one thing you love and one thing you hate most about your partner?

Sana: Fakhar is my soulmate. I hold in high esteem his honesty and passion for the things he loves. I can’t think of anything I hate about him.

Fakhar: Her ability to love unconditionally is admirable. What I think she could work on, is her stubbornness and occasional bouts of frenzy.

What’s the most challenging part about marriage?

Sana: Marriage is constant work. Adjusting into a new family, in particular, can be quite a challenge but I think I’m one of the few lucky ones who were spared the ordeal.

Fakhar: The initial years of familiarising yourself with your partner’s likes, dislikes and quirks can be challenging. If you love each other though, it’s all worth it.

And the most rewarding?

Sana: For me, it’s the warmth with which I was welcomed into Fakhar’s family, our two boys and the sheer joy of having him as my husband.

Fakhar: Waking up next to her every morning.

What’s the most romantic thing your partner has done for you?

Sana: The day Fakhar proposed to me was absolutely beautiful! He decorated my sister’s house with over five hundred heart-shaped flower bouquets and got down on his knee. While I found it childish and got upset initially, I called him soon after and said yes.

Fakhar: There are countless things I could list here but if I had to pick one, it would be the fabulous surprise birthday she hosted for me recently.

What are some of the milestones with your partner that you remember most fondly?

Sana: We are both sporty and like to put our physical strength to test. We’ve been on adventures most people wouldn’t believe. I feel pushing our limits together helps us grow as partners, while creating memories we’ll cherish forever.

Fakhar: There are way too many.

What gets you through the tough times?

Sana: Fakhar’s love and support. When I delivered my first born, for example, I gained a lot of weight. As expected, people were very cruel and unforgiving, but my husband didn’t let me get demotivated.  He devised a fitness plan for me and made sure I followed it religiously. I was back in shape in no time.

Fakhar: Communication and understanding each other’s emotions.

What do you think has been the secret to your successful marriage?

Sana: Being friends, honouring commitment and compromise.

Fakhar: We are really good friends and try to be understanding of each other’s emotional needs, in good times and bad.

How do you think couples these days are different from your generation?

Sana: I think couples these days are smarter. They invest time in getting to know each other and nurturing a friendship before taking the plunge, which is great.

Fakhar: Due to more exposure through the media and travelling, young couples today have a better understanding of human emotion and mental wellbeing. This definitely helps them make better decisions.

Which one piece of marriage advice would you give to new couples?

Sana: Don’t give in to the typical dynamic of marriage portrayed by our culture. It’s important to understand that marriage looks different for everyone.

Fakhar: Be more understanding of each other.

Text: Sana Zehra – Photos Courtesy: Sana and Fakhar

College Sweethearts

How did you meet? 

Shazia: Our families are friends, so the first time we were introduced was by our mothers at an event. We became friends during our undergraduate degree though, when we coincidentally ended up at the same university.

Wajahat: The first time I met Shazia was at a family affair. The second time was in college.

The day you got married, do you think you fully comprehended what a lifetime together would look like? What were your expectations from marriage? 

Shazia: The day we got married, all that mattered to me was knowing Wajahat was the only person I’d like to share my life with. I entered the relationship with an open mind and heart, ready for any ups and downs we may experience.

Wajahat: Yes. I was fully prepared to spend my life with Shazia, way before our wedding was finalised. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I think it comes naturally once you’re sure you’ve met “the one.”

What’s the most challenging part about marriage?

Shazia: Every day presents new challenges but overcoming them is extremely gratifying.

Wajahat: Transitioning from being single and carefree to sharing everything with another person takes effort. You need to give yourself and your partner time to get used to each other’s personalities.

And the most rewarding? 

Shazia: Sharing the rest of your life with the one you love.

Wajahat: Having a best friend for life.

What’s the most romantic thing your partner has done for you?

Shazia: Wajahat is a very romantic person. He loves surprising me with thoughtful gestures, but the one I cherish the most is planning a second honeymoon to Switzerland for our 20th Wedding Anniversary.

Wajahat: Shazia is an expert at arranging surprise parties. I think over the course of our marriage she’s thrown me at least twenty-five—on three different continents.

What are some of the milestones with your partner that you remember most fondly? 

Shazia: The birth of our boys tops the list for me, followed by performing Hajj together last year.

Wajahat: There are so many. From graduating together, to the birth of our children, travelling the world and making films—every day has been special. We’ve survived twenty years without a single serious fight.

What gets you through the tough times?

Shazia: Remembering the good times.

Wajahat: Advice from our parents, along with our own contrasting skill sets to deal with conflicts. I’m an idealist and very sensitive, while she’s practical and realistic; we find the perfect balance.

The one thing you love and one thing you hate most about your partner? 

Shazia: He’s an exceptionally loving husband and father, but I would appreciate if he stopped triggering my OCD.

Wajahat: I love that she’s a very intelligent and caring woman. I dislike her obsession with keeping things in perfect order all the time.

What do you think has been the secret to your successful marriage? 

Shazia: Being patient, giving each other space and appreciating each other.

Wajahat: Despite the fact that you’ll never find either of us socializing without one another, we understood the importance of giving each other space very early in our marriage. I think that played a huge role in the success of our relationship.

How do you think couples these days are different from your generation?

Shazia: I find couples these days to be very impatient and insecure, which can be disastrous for marriage.

Wajahat: It takes a lot of patience to make marriage work, but I see the willingness to put in effort decrease with each generation. Couples these days aren’t as selfless as us, just like we’re no match for couples from our parents’ generation.

Which one piece of marriage advice would you give to new couples?

Shazia: Have patience and trust your partner.

Wajahat: Always count your blessings when going through a rough patch.

Credits: Text: Sana Zehra – Photos Courtesy: Shazia & Wajahat

Finding The Right Balance

How did you meet? 

Saima: We were introduced by my cousin and friend, Bobby.

Qurram: Turns out, Bobby has introduced other people who ended up getting married as well. He clearly has a knack for matchmaking.

The day you got married, do you think you fully comprehended what a lifetime together would look like? What were your expectations from marriage? 

Saima: All we cared about was wanting to be together. In the words of Rumi “lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they are in each other all along.”

Qurram: At that point I was just happy to have found someone who understood me. I most certainly wasn’t aware of the inevitable ups and downs couples go through.

What’s the most challenging part about marriage? 

Saima: With Q’s hectic schedule, we have to stay apart very often. I find that hard at times, but we make it work regardless. The kids and I are his biggest fans and love seeing him perform on stage.

Qurram: Balancing Saima’s professional commitments and my travels is tough. However, we try finding the right balance.

And the most rewarding? 

Saima: The feeling of overwhelming peace when we are together.

Qurram: Knowing I have a rock by my side. We also really enjoy our kids—they can be a handful, but add a lot of color to our lives.

What’s the most romantic thing your partner has done for you?

Saima: On one of my birthdays, Qurram got customised t-shirts made for himself and our son Keyaan. The one he wore said “I love Saima,” while the one Keyaan wore said “I love Saimama.” I found it very endearing.

Qurram: Saima is indomitable when it comes to thoughtful gestures and I struggle to keep up with her. We happened to be travelling once on my birthday and when we landed in Dubai on transit, she made sure the staff in the lounge had a cake arranged, and joined her to sing Happy Birthday.

What are some of the milestones with your partner that you remember most fondly? 

Saima: We both love travelling and have experienced much of the world together. We have had the opportunity to see some amazing places.

Qurram: We always experience new milestones while traveling. We prefer taking the kids along, which means there are many variables but we embrace them all. It gives us so much to remember and cherish.

What gets you through the tough times? 

Saima: Knowing that no matter what, he is my soulmate.

Qurram: The fact that despite being different individuals, our core values are the same.

The one thing you love and one thing you hate most about your partner? 

Saima: Q is the kindest, most gentle man I have ever met but I hate that he loses his phone all the time!

Qurram: I love her spontaneity; she’s always ready for the next big adventure. On the flipside, she’s a clean freak, which means the spring-cleaning never ends.

What do you think has been the secret to your successful marriage? 

Saima:  Accepting, loving, nurturing and supporting one another to manifest our visions and dreams.

Qurram: Mutual respect and being supportive of each other’s goals. Saima is a pillar for our family when I have to travel for work. Similarly, I have been happy to move cities for her so she could meet her professional commitments.

How do you think couples these days are different from your generation? 

Saima: The new generation of couples lives in an Instagram world where they expect instant gratification. That’s not how relationships work though. You need to work on yours every day.

Qurram: Every generation is unique, so it’s inevitable for new age couples to be different from us. What I don’t understand though, is the unnecessary grandeur of weddings these days. Agreed, it’s a celebration but does it really require ten opulent functions?

Which one piece of marriage advice would you give to new couples?

Saima: Never try to change one another. Love your partner for who they are. Be a source of peace and positivity in each other’s lives and you are bound to rise together.

Qurram: Rushing into marriage is unwise. It’s crucial to grow as an individual first and be sure of who you are and what you want from life. Only a strong foundation of self will make for a lasting union.

Credits: Text: Sana Zehra – Photos Courtesy: Saima & Qurram