What does it take to have a happy relationship?
Here are tips from some of Pakistan’s most famous couples
Juggan Kazim, actor/model
Some people think that the most important thing in making a relationship work is love or mutual understanding. I would say the most important thing is respect. If you don’t respect each other, it’s not possible to have a long-term relationship. If there is one thing I could keep in my relationship with my husband, or son, or mother, it would be respect. If I had all the money in the world and didn’t have respect, I’d rather have none of it.
Shaniera Akram
“To all GT readers, we wish you all a happy Valentine’s Day in 2014.”
Aamina Sheikh, actor
Let’s dance some more, shall we? Love. Communication. Trust. Understanding. Compatibility: words beaten to death when asked about a relationship. These are generic terms more easily used than applied; whoever states them is probably just trying to get done with the interview. We’re not ‘perfect.’ What is this term anyway? If anything, we’re beyond perfection. One can’t have a word that limits the potential of a human being. In fact isn’t it the imperfections and uncertainties in our world that are most promising? This companionship has the most dynamic range. It’s like chewing gum. We stretch it. Chew it. Savor it. Get irritated by it. Blow bubbles with it. Pop it. Crave for it. Squirm at its redundancy. Wonder at its longevity. Giggle at its idiocy. It’s all of this and more. There are moments together when you feel there can be no one closer, then there are events that make you feel no one can be furthest. Dance the dance of silence, of resistance, of distance; dance the dance of acceptance, of letting go, of forgiveness, the dance of melancholy, the dance of unlearning, the dance of re-learning, the dance of harmony, of ecstasy, of hope, of love. This is who and what we are – two souls partnered for the dance of life – while we watch each other we step in sync when the rhythm of life commands. May this dance continue till the eternal show and beyond. Amen.
Khadijah Shah, designer
A healthy relationship is one in which you can be who you are, follow your dreams and do the things you love!
Wasim and Naila Akhtar, politician and homemaker
Don’t ever stop dating your husband and don’t ever stop flirting with your wife. Also understand clearly that you are both on the same side. Everyday then will be Valentine’s Day.
Shahroz Sabzwari, actor
My advice would be to give the right amount of space to each other. Loyalty and everything else is secondary. The first thing is to respect each others space and that means you respect everything about your other half.
Tehmina Durrani, writer and wife of Chief Minister of Punjab
You must love a person in the way they need to be loved, instead of loving the way you want to love. Only then will you touch his heart and soul. Soon he will reciprocate. The key is patience and generosity.
Anwar Maqsood, writer
The most important thing for a healthy relationship is trust. If one speaks the truth, one is not afraid of anyone. You have to be honest in every relationship, whether it is between a mother and a son, a brother and a sister, or a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Valentine’s Day is a recent phenomenon in our culture, but not the tradition of giving a rose to someone. There is a verse by Ghazala Aleem about being given a rose that leaves one pricked with thorns. Roses always have thorns, except the ones we exchange on Valentine’s Day. They are without thorns and wrapped in plastic. Plastic is the worst thing for a flower. Moreover, all of Faiz’s poetry, all of Faraz’s poetry and all of Iqbal’s poetry tells us that every day is Valentine’s Day. All 365 days of the year should be spent loving each other. And then there would be no terrorists and no children without education. Love these children, so that they can become educated. Love them by giving them a bag of books. Love them by lightening their burden so that they may continue to educate themselves. That is to me what Valentine’s Day stands for.
Sharmila Farooqi, politician
Respect and space are the most important. In other words, stay away when in a bad mood!
Meesha Shafi, actor/singer
For any healthy relationship, respect and space are pivotal. But to maintain loving, dynamic, communication and appreciation are key. Being compassionate and trying to understand each other’s point of view, making time for one another and adapting as life takes its own course, these are the things that help couples grow together.
Saba Ahmed on the searing political comment in Julius John’s artwork
Lending a much-needed hand to the growth of contemporary art in Pakistan, Seher Tareen recently showcased the work of artist Julius John at Rohtas Gallery in Lahore. Having broadcast the work of minority artists, in particular the Hazaras, for her Master’s thesis while at St. Martin’s in London, Tareen continues to hold a candle to the flame of Pakistani art. “It’s important to elucidate what artists have to say about the social and political situation in a country,†she says.
But what does Julius John, the artist whose work Tareen has curated, want to show? We find a deeply personal response to the physical and emotional encroachments of the State. John was born and raised in Kot Lakhpat. He has spoken about the “ganda naala†that divides the posh areas of the city from the relatively impoverished quarters of the Christian community. Three years ago, the government razed the settlements to make a road. The decision naturally altered the landscape, but it also left a deep imprint on John.
John decided to create something directly on the walls of the gallery. His work consists of three parts: two-dimensional wall paintings, an installation, and the play of light and shadow. Upon entering, the gallery is shrouded in darkness. Linear shadows merge and flicker on the walls. A dim glow outside the window illuminates the shadows cast by the trees; it is the only trace of light inside. Ambiguous spaces, seemingly ruinous and barren, are rendered on the walls in strong strokes of black pastel. There is a single Christmas tree bathed in red. Next to it, a bathtub oozes black tar.
John has developed his own system of cartography: successive photography, counting his steps as well as counting landmarks, like trees and bridges
Painting directly on the walls is one of the most powerful things about John’s work. Once the show comes down, the walls will be painted over. In the moment of viewing, however, the observer can’t help but be immersed in the piece. People who came to the gallery in a cheery mood left melancholic and perhaps even a little depressed: John holds a stark mirror to the society we live in. It made me think that there is no such thing as “apolitical art†in Pakistan. In a country ravaged by violence, the political seeps into every aspect of the personal. John’s Christmas tree is not brimming with shiny baubles; it is blood-soaked.
About the show, Tareen said, “I wanted to create an experience for viewers unlike most commercial art exhibitions where you have sculptures on pedestals and paintings on the walls. P.S. {ART} has been able to break free of the shackles of run-of-the-mill gallery shows where art work waits obediently to be purchased by trend-chasing enthusiasts.â€
John told me he was inspired by the Situationist movement of the ‘70’s, in which a group of artists and architects believed that the city should be a constant source of wonderment for its inhabitants. Their process involved moving through the city, documenting it and making alternate maps that they referred to as psycho-geographical maps. Similarly, John has developed his own system of cartography: successive photography, counting his steps as well as counting landmarks, like trees and bridges. John shared an example to illustrate his process: “There is a piece I have done titled 3000 steps of solitude: I walked along an open sewer and photographed the houses situated on the other side of the sewer. I would take a photograph every 30 steps and in total, ended up taking about 3000 steps. Conclusively, I drew all the steps using a solder rod on thermal paper and joined the photographs together.â€
The Christmas tree is not brimming with shiny baubles; it is blood-soaked
Before the show went up, Tareen was away in London while John was at the gallery for a span of two weeks; the space was his and he could do as he pleased. Tareen returned to find everything covered in black pastel. “For him, it was a very creative, immersive process. There is tremendous immensity in his strokes.â€
Creative it certainly is, but I left the gallery feeling both awe-struck and sad. John’s art is an unmistakable response to the violence of the State.
