“Love is not all: it is not meat nor drink” Rishi Kapoor & Neetu Singh

A pragmatist knows that a love story does not end at the altar with a happily ever after. The loved up couple encounters many roadblocks, trials, fights, disagreements, heartbreak and testing times, along with the joy, love, jubilation, success and contentment they encounter along their life’s journey together. As long as the good moments outnumber the bad, all is well and they continue to be together. Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh (parents of heartthrob Ranbir Kapoor) had amazing on-screen chemistry in Bollywood films of the Seventies before they tied the knot and settled down to married life together. But along the way, due to career frustrations and the Kapoor family penchant for the good life, Rishi lost his way and nearly his wife as a result

The middle son of film maker, director and actor Raj Kapoor, Rishi, nicknamed Chintu by his older brother Randhir (father of Karisma and Kareena), started his acting career as a chubby schoolboy in Mera Naam Joker. Though considered an avant-garde movie at the time, the film bombed at the box office. Reeling from the financial loss and to relaunch his fair and handsome young son, Raj cast him as the male lead in Bobby (1973) opposite a nubile, mini skirt clad Dimple Kapadia. A rom-com with catchy songs, the movie was a tremendous success. The movie is about a teenage boyfriend/girlfriend from opposite side of the tracks, who defy their parents in their passionate love for each other and overcome all obstacles to be together at the end; a Seventies version of Romeo & Juliet with a happy ending and many masala (spicy) song and dance routines. What caught the audience’s imagination was the lead pair. They were refreshingly innocent-looking. Dimple, seemingly unaware of her sexy outfits, has a wide eyed innocent look in it that cannot be attributed to her acting, while Rishi is the chocolate boy hero, all spunk and excitable youthfulness. During the filming, the two became so close that Rishi asked Raj Kapoor if he could marry Dimple. Raj vociferously refused. Perhaps he thought his son was too young and still impressionable to tie the knot, but according to contemporary rumors, Dimple, who was raised in a tenement, could have been Raj’s love child with his mistress and love of his life film star Nargis (thus Rishi’s paternal half-sister), a farfetched story. Soon after, Dimple married the top star of that time Rajesh Khanna and left films at his behest. (They are the parents of Twinkle Khanna married to Akshay Kumar.) Rishi went on to become every teenage Indian girl’s crush in the Seventies.

During the filming of Bobby, the two leads became so close that Rishi asked Raj Kapoor if he could marry Dimple. Raj vociferously refused…. according to contemporary rumors, Dimple, who was raised in a tenement, could have been Raj’s love child with his mistress and love of his life film star Nargis (thus Rishi’s paternal half-sister), a farfetched story

In an interview for Afsana Ahmed of the Hindustan Times, Rishi said, “It wasn’t easy to be pitted against Amitabh Bachchan and Vinod Khanna (both Seventies action stars). But I did it and enjoyed that phase, especially the first 25 years of my stay at the top,” says the actor who appeared as the hero in nearly 100 romantic movies. “In the first 25 years of my career I sang songs, wore jerseys and romanced heroines in the valleys. And as was predictable in Hindi films, I got slotted into the quintessential chocolate boy image.”

Baby Sonia, as Neetu Singh was known as a child star, had been appearing in films since she was only 8 years old. With her mother financially dependent on her, Neetu was a pretty and voluptuous doe-eyed Sikh actress with waist length thick, long and lustrous hair. She played the part of the lively, ebullient, peppy girl in movies. Though she had met Rishi when she was only 14 and they became friendly, their first film together was Zehreela Insaan in 1974. Off-screen she was his confidante, the female friend that he confided in about his love woes with various girl friends and cry on her shoulder after his various breakups. She too must have had a crush on him since she gave him so much of her time and attention. Six years her senior, Rishi treated her in a fond yet off hand way; he would nonchalantly pull pranks on her, such as rubbing kajal (black eyeliner) on her face after she would finish getting dolled up by the makeup artist. Their on-screen chemistry was red hot with him jumping around excitedly and impishly and her looking at him with lovelorn eyes. The popular pair have appeared in a total of 12 films with each other. After the 1976 film Kabhi Kabhi, in which they played yet another young and in love couple, Rishi got so used to her company that when he left for an outdoor shooting stint in Europe for the film Barood, he missed her after only a couple of days. He said in an interview, “I remember I had an argument with my girlfriend at the time and I was very heartbroken. Trying to win her back, I had taken Neetu’s help in writing telegrams to her. As time passed, I began to realise that Neetu is the one for me and I began to miss her when I had gone to Europe for a shoot. Ironically, I sent her a telegram from Europe to Kashmir.” The telegram simply stated, “Yeh Sikhni badi yaad aati hai” (I’m missing this Sikh girl dreadfully). Overjoyed at his declaration of love, Neetu rushed to show it to Yash (famous filmmaker) and Pam Chopra.

Rishi said, “as time passed, I began to realise that Neetu is the one for me and I began to miss her when I had gone to Europe for a shoot….I sent her a telegram from Europe to Kashmir.” The telegram simply stated, “Yeh Sikhni badi yaad aati hai” (I’m missing this Sikh girl dreadfully). Overjoyed at his declaration of love, Neetu rushed to show it to Yash and Pam Chopra. Rishi and Neetu started dating, but he cautioned her candidly but honestly, “I will only date you, but never marry you” 

They started dating, but Rishi cautioned her candidly but honestly, “I will only date you, but never marry you.” With the optimism of youth and too smitten to care, Neetu took him at his word.

Her mother Rajee, however, was not happy. She wanted her daughter to focus on her career as the sole breadwinner of the family and not get a bad reputation. In an interview, Neetu recalled, “My mom was so protective that I was not allowed to even go for coffee with my friends. Even if someone looked at me, she would bash him up. She was really dominating and people would get scared of her. She would get upset if my husband flirted with me. She told me, ‘You should not have affairs. If you go from one person to the other, he will also leave you and then you would again have to go to yet another. Your name will be spoilt and it will remain like that.’ That stayed in my mind. So whatever ups and downs I went through with my husband, I did not want to leave him and wanted to always hold on.” Rajee made sure Neetu was always chaperoned; she would send Neetu’s first cousin with them on all their dates, who would sympathetically get dropped off along the way to give the couple some alone time. Rishi also put an 8:00 p.m. curfew on Neetu by which time she would be packed up on set and at home by 8:30 p.m. waiting by the landline for his phone call. He, on the other hand, continued to carry on with starlets on the side, which he would deny to her, and she would take him at his word.

Neetu’s ambitious mother pushed her daughter to wear revealing clothes on screen and do more risqué dances. Rishi’s friends reportedly joked to him that his girl friend was showing excessive cleavage on-screen. Rishi replied, “It only seemed so because of the way Neetu’s body was built, and even if her shirt went all the way to her chin, some cleavage would show. Besides, Neetu Singh was the one genuine virgin in Filmistan.”

Neetu said, “I was oblivious of my star status and would even sit on the floor talking to junior artistes. I was not pretentious. He (Rishi) would write letters when I went outdoors and have them delivered to me by all his friends who were my co-stars. I would be teased and be considered his property. We had been dating for five years. At 21, I had signed a lot of big movies and was at the peak of my career and had lost weight and that is when he got insecure. He would initially say, ‘I am going around with you, but will not get married to you.’ But then one day he asked me, ‘Don’t you want to get married?’ I said, ‘To whom?’ He said ‘What do you think I am?’ I agreed. (The two were formally engaged in a hush-hush ceremony during a Kapoor family wedding in Delhi with his sister’s ring.) I had settled my mom financially and bought her a house. She did my wedding in a grand way and the whole of India was upset that Rishi Kapoor was getting married.”

Neetu admitted in an interview to being aware of Rishi’s extramarital dalliances, but deciding to turn a blind eye, “Even when we were dating, he remained a total flirt and would pretend he did not have other affairs when he was caught and always denied it. I knew that. But I was too innocent and if he said ‘nahi hai’ (it’s isn’t so) I would believe him. He knew in his mind that I was a simple person and felt yeh mujhe sambhal legi (she will sort me out) and that he could mould and dominate over me”

The Kapoor khandan (family), as it’s known in Bollywood circles, is patriarchal in nature, so Neetu rushed to finish her films and give up her career in lieu of a domestic life. Her trousseau was extremely lavish and theirs was the Bollywood wedding of the year 1980. Neetu was resplendent in a bedazzled bridal outfit and diamonds. Champagne flowed freely and all the Who’s Who of Bombay were in attendance. The couple started out living with their in-laws in a joint family system. The marriage was blessed with a daughter later that year Ridhima and Ranbir, in 1982. Ridhima became a fashion designer after growing up and married an industrialist. Ranbir is a current Bollywood hearththrob and considered the versatile actor of his generation.

After his marriage, Rishi was rumored to have affairs with starlets half his age, such as the tragic Divya Bharti (who jumped off a building in consequence of a fight with another boyfriend) and even popular girl next door actress, Juhi Chawla. Neetu admitted in an interview to being aware of Rishi’s extramarital dalliances, but deciding to turn a blind eye, “Even when we were dating, he remained a total flirt and would pretend he did not have other affairs when he was caught and always denied it. I knew that. But I was too innocent and if he said ‘nahi hai’ (it’s isn’t so) I would believe him. He knew in his mind that I was a simple person and felt yeh mujhe sambhal legi (she will sort me out) and that he could mould and dominate me.”

Moreover, in the late 1990’s, Rishi’s career was at an all time low. In his late forties, with his family’s tendency to gain weight, he had a paunch and becoming a romantic lead was just not realistic. Frustrated, he took to the bottle, another family trait. It was rumored in Bollywood that he had become an alcoholic.

Neetu called the Police claiming that her husband would often get drunk and beat her up and that the frequency and intensity had increased….The next day, Neetu retracted her complaint. The domestic violence complaint was carried by the newspapers. It was even reported that Neetu moved out of the house and started a salon for a time

On November 1^st 1997, at 3:45 a.m. Bandra police station received a call from Neetu Singh calling from their bungalow at 27, Krishna Raj road on Pali Hill, claiming that her husband would often get drunk and beat her up and that the frequency and intensity had increased. When they arrived to the house, however, Rishi told them that his wife was soundly asleep. The next day, Neetu retracted her complaint. The domestic violence complaint was carried by the newspapers. It was even reported that Neetu moved out of the house and started a salon for a time.

Later talking about that phase of their marriage, Rishi said, “Every relationship goes through such turmoil, but eventually comes out of it, ours was no different. I was being very difficult then but Neetu absorbed all the shock I have given her really well and held on to me. In another interview with Karan Johar, he said, “It has always been Neetu who has made all the effort, I have always been a difficult man.” Talking to Afsana Ahmed he said, “Being short-tempered has been my weakness. But everyone has different sensibilities, thoughts, opinions and mood swings. So there ought to be fights when two people live under the same roof.  Hota hai yaar! (It happens). Both Neetu and I are very strong headed individuals and we fight every month. We don’t talk to each other for months, it takes a long time to patch up.”

Neetu too said on Koffee With Karan, “There always comes a phase in a couple’s life when there would be friction, disagreements. Rishi and I also went through that stage. It was just one of those problems, which only the husband and wife would understand. Fortunately, we were able to sort out our differences. Today, everything is forgotten.”

Ranbir said, “Sometimes the fights would get really bad. I would be sitting on the steps, my head between my knees, till five or six in the morning, waiting for them to stop. My parents had a very troubled marriage for a long time, and I was caught in the middle because I was there. Mom tried to make sure it didn’t affect us”

Equally honest is Ranbir while discussing his troubled childhood. In an interview, he said, “My parents were often at each other’s throats and the ugly scenes between them were deeply affecting their two kids. Sometimes the fights would get really bad. I would be sitting on the steps, my head between my knees, till five or six in the morning, waiting for them to stop. My parents had a very troubled marriage for a long time, and I was caught in the middle because I was there. Mom tried to make sure it didn’t affect us. She did that by being open about it, which was good. But let’s just say I didn’t grow up with any rose-tinted illusions about love. I learned the hard way how complicated a relationship between a man and woman could be.” Disturbed, embittered, and too embarrassed to share his problem with others, Ranbir went into a shell. “I just bottled everything up. There was a reservoir of emotions building up inside, desperately looking for an outlet,” he said. ‘Perhaps it’s all coming out in my films now.’” (Ranbir has chosen to do a wide range of roles.)

In the 2000s, Rishi moved on to do supporting, character roles and has even played villains. He is at a happier place in his life. He is proud of Ranbir’s success, stating, “Let me confess today that my chest swells when someone comes up to me and praises Ranbir. Success hit my head and I went crazy. And till I hit bad times, I didn’t realise what was happening. But when I look at Ranbir, I am amazed at the way he has handled his success. His discipline, modesty and down-to-earth values that he gets from his mother are very impressive. I had once told him to not let success go to his head and not let failure go to his heart. He has kept that in mind.”

In another interview to the Mumbai Mirror, Rishi talked about his strained relations with his son Ranbir, “I know I’ve screwed up my relationship with Ranbir even though my wife kept telling me about what I was doing. It’s now too late to change it; both of us will not be able to adjust to the change. We’re not friends; we don’t have a buddy-buddy relationship. It’s like there’s this glass wall, we can see each other, we can talk, but that’s it; we can’t reach out. That’s the only thing that makes me unhappy. That’s the way I was with my father also. Maybe I could have broken this…but then I feel we should maintain this father-son relationship. I can’t be on backslapping terms with my son. We have a drink together sometimes, sort out our issues. But he definitely has aankhon ki sharam, baap ki sharam (he is respectful). He never discusses his love life with me. He talks to his mother.

Neetu and I are proud parents. Ranbir has made us proud. But the best thing about him is he is understated. He is most unlike me. I was an absolute brat when I was his age. I simmered down later in my career. Ranbir has got his feet on the ground. That makes me happy.”

Neetu agreed that Ranbir and Rishi have different temperaments. “If Ranbir is north, my husband is south. They are of totally different nature. I don’t think Ranbir has even one thing that resembles my husband, except the voice.

However, all is not lost between father and son, Ranbir attributes his groundedness to his parents, who taught him the value of money, and not grow up with a starry sense of entitlement. At college in New York, he lived on a strict student budget and lived on McDonald’s. When he quit college and moved back to Mumbai to work as an assistant director, Rishi took away his car and he was forced to take a rickshaw to work and live within his salary, though he still lived at the family home. This taught the young actor to be self reliant and humble.

Speaking about their present and future plans, Rishi said, “Ab toh main pee bhi nahi raha hoon (I’m off alcohol). So my wife is happy. Yes, I’m in a terrible mood. I’m grouchy and at my worst when I’m not drinking. This is the worst period of my life. When I don’t drink, I get depressed. But I have to lose weight for Sudhir Mishra’s Mehrunissa with Amitabh Bachchan. I go for a walk, I do yoga and I’m on a diet…Ranbir doesn’t live with us anymore, which is also a very big setback to Neetu and me. (He has moved into an apartment overlooking the sea with girlfriend actress Katrina Kaif.) We’re building a new home where there will be a lot of place for him and his family. Till then, life goes on.”